All day you’ve been asking me what’s wrong and I kept saying I don’t know. I do know what’s wrong.. but I don’t know why it’s making me feel shitty like this. You keep talking about Conner and it hurts me every time. I know he’s okay right now, but that probably wont last. And now you’re talking about marrying him!? I think that would be really stupid. Two weeks ago you broke up with him with what seemed like the intention of never getting back with him. Now you’re back together, and you’re knocked up. As much as it’s a valid reason, I don’t think carrying his baby is a good enough reason to be with someone that makes you miserable. Now you’re also moving away to half way closer to him. The second you told me you were moving next week, I wanted to cry and I wanted to leave. I wanted to call Fiona to come pick me up and bring me home. There are so many reasons I think you shouldn’t be with him. Why I think you don’t really want to be with him, but you feel like it’s your only option. I get that you’re not even supposed to be able to get pregnant, and I understand why you want to keep this kid… Spending last night and today with you, wanting to cry for most of the time, made me realize how I feel about you. I’m falling for you. And everything hurts a million times more than it should. I felt the need to back away from you because all I want to do is kiss you.
My friend asked me the other day, if I’d be willing to help you raise your kid… But now you’re moving away. So even if I was ready and willing, and you wanted me like that, it wouldn’t happen.
All day I felt like crying because I think that if I said I love you, I’d mean it. Because every time you bring up Conner or moving away, I wish you’d stay and never think about him again.
I really don’t want to feel like this. I wish I didn’t because I know you’ll never return the same feelings for me. I wish I could go back 2 weeks and not have kissed you. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this emotional fuck up.