You and Me ≠ Friends

I can’t be friends with someone I love romantically. I learned that from Rachael. I wanted her in my life and I tried being friends with her but it didn’t take long for me to realize that people can’t be friends with someone when they have different intentions. It just gets all fucked up and nothing is honest, it’s all hiding and jealousy and hurt and lies, until you move on and then you just don’t want to know each other anymore.

I’m seeing her tonight. In public. I don’t really want to, but I want to take the class. So I’ll try. I’m afraid.. I know it’ll be really hard for me to be around her. I’m afraid it’ll end up like Rachael. She’s not like her at all, but I don’t want to hate her like I hated Rachael. The only way I can do that is by avoiding her. Seeing her and talking to her just reminds me that she hurt me. This. Sucks. Ass.