Last Tuesday I started getting sick with a a cold and lived off soup for 2-3 days. Then I was around people and ate normally for another 2-3 days, but since Sunday morning, I haven’t been eating much. When I do eat, I’ve been eating really healthy. I had maybe a hand full of chips Sunday night, apart from that it’s all fruits and veggies and oats pretty much. At first its cause I just didn’t have an appetite but now I don’t know. I haven’t been forcing myself to eat cause I started class again, so I forget that I need to eat in between classes. Now my body seems to be rejecting the food if I eat too much, or my stomach just really hurts.

I can’t tell if my body is functioning properly or not. I think I feel really good, but I’m not sure if it’s just an illusion. I’m losing weight obviously, cause I’m not eating a lot and not eating junk food at all. That makes me feel good. It’s not a lot weight, like 10 pounds maybe, at the most. I’ve been falling into deep meditations super easily and I don’t know if it’s just cause I’m in a weird head space or because what I’m eating, or not eating, is changing the way my mind is working. I feel weaker, like I’m shutting down a little, but maybe that’s just cause I’m not sleeping enough?

All I can think about is how much I miss her, and how I’m not really eating. That’s all that’s on my mind.