Wednesday, December 2, 2009
You told me I don’t need to hide it from you if I do it again. But it’s not like if I do I’ll just tell you out loud that I did. I’m not proud of it. I fell asleep while you were in the shower with my long sleeved shirt on because I didn’t want you to see. I didn’t want to wake up cause I knew you’d take my shirt off.
Next morning, I showered and got back in bed with my arms showing. but I hid under the blankets, then you went to the bathroom and I got dressed. Then I cried. I don’t know was wrong. I didn’t want you to see, even though I knew you wouldn’t be mad.
We didn’t go to the photo shoot, we just cuddled on the couch all day, but then you tried lifting the sleeves of my hoodie. I wanted to cry again. I didn’t want you to see. I let you pull up my right sleeve cause there was nothing there. But you knew my tattoo was on that wrist. was it coincidental that you asked me if I wanted a matching tattoo on my other wrist? Where my scars are?
You tried pulling up my sleeve on my left arm my I resisted. Then you tried again, but there were no cuts where you looked, just scars. But then you turned my arm and there they were.
Not that you don’t care or you’re okay with me cutting, but you understand it? i guess.. but that doesn’t really encourage me to stop. I know you wont get mad if I do, I know I dont need to hide it. But I knew as soon as you’d see, I'd cry. I didn’t want to cry.
I know you saw, and I didn’t cry, I wanted to but I didn’t. But you didn’t say anything… I wish I could just pretend it’s not there and that you’d believe me. But that’s not fair to you…
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