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I feel like I should isolate myself from the world for a weeks. I feel so fucked up and messed up right now.

I knew I was going down when starting a few weeks ago, I started wanting to cut again, I was forgetting to eat. I’m still forgetting to eat, I think it’s become a habit, or my body doesn’t want so much food or something. When I started not sleeping much. I get tired during the day/evening ish, but if I dont go to bed by 11, then I wake up and I don’t feel tired or want to sleep even if I am tired till 12, 1, 2am.

I was expecting to become very depressed after all these “symptoms” that I recognized from the last time I “went down.” But that’s not what happened, I think I am a little bit depressed, but I started having anxiety, panic attacks, and now skipping school because of it.

A million thoughts are running through my head, I dont know what to think.

I’m way too forward, I say things I don’t want to say, I do things I dont want to do. And then regret it after.

I’m afraid I’m going to hurt Chantelle.  Hurting her is the last thing I want to do.

I like her, a lot. But it’s all so different then the way I’ve ever felt for someone before. It’s stronger, but not as strong. I care about her soooo much, but ………

I feel like, in the state I am now, that I am going to hurt her. I feel insane. I feel…… manic.