dear friend...

a friend of mine, who I care very much about, tried killing herself Monday night while I was on a date. I didn't get her text until half an hour after she sent it and felt awful that I hadn't answered right away. Her text wrote "I'm scared. Right now I want to die" I texted her back and tried calling her twice. the second time she replied saying she was with a friend and that she was fine. I wasn't sure if I should believe her or believe my gut.
I later found out that she was in the hospital, that she'd taken ... way to many pills. But there's nothing I can do. I tell her I'm there for her. I do want to be there for her. Living 15 hours apart prevents that though. The best I can do is be there for her on the phone or msn.
I know she has a lot of stuff to get through, but I know she can do it. I know she's strong, and overall, she really is an amazing person.
Since before I met her, she's been dealing with this, I don't know why now is so different. She's gotten this far and I know she can keep going.
I'm not here to question, I'm not here to judge. The last thing I want from her is justification. I don't need justification for her actions from anyone.

Because of Monday night, I'm not mad or frustrated with her. I'm upset that I didn't answer right away. I'm angry at my self for not being able to be right beside her, and tell her how amazing she is. I'm hurt, because I don't know if she believes me when I tell her I'm there for her.



No matter what, I'll always love you.