Rachael. . .

Jully 20 - Met her on Sappho.. which is this online chat thingy, really stupid.. dunno what either of us what doing on there.

Rachael uses Twitter, which I find kinda silly but whatever. I follow it because they're her thoughts and I'm interested. I think she knows I read it but I think she forgets...

twitter.com/rachaelofamber :

Discovering a love of def poetry and canadian girls...
9:49 PM Jul 20th from web

When I got a message from a girl from Canada, I thought there would be no point in talking to her. Then I spent seven hours doing just that.
11:38 PM Jul 20th from web

Dammit I don't WANT a girlfriend who lives in Canada nobody will BELIEVE me! But I LIKE HER!
9:36 PM Jul 30th from web

I should probably go to sleep, huh. Instead of talking to my girl in canada all night.
12:06 AM Aug 1st from web

After several weeks of talking, I received my passport in the mail and decided to go see her at the end of the month. (Rachael lives near Boston MA, aprox. 7 hours away, or 10 hours by grey hound bus)
Bus tickets bought, 135$ spent, and I like this girl like crazy, I feel so close to her and can't wait to meet her face to face.
I know she feels the same about me.

August 28 - Last day of work, I am packed and I miss the bus when I need to transfer in Montreal. So I take the later bus. Sneed a quater ounce of weed over the border for her. Doesn't even get me high.

August 29 - 7 am - I walk towards this girl, short blond hair, tall.. beautiful and I kiss her.

The next few days almost nothing but her crosses my mind.
I want to tell her I love her.
Although her and I aren't "together" I love who she is.
We sleep together for the last time two nights before I leave... I was only there for 5 days, 4 nights.

Okay, so aside from still being a little bit naive, that was a surprisingly mature reaction from an 18 year old being semi-broken-up-with.
11:18 PM Sep 3rd from web

03/09/2009 9:59:19 PM

Rachael Holden Says :
- so um....this sucks. but i have to be honest.
- i saw mike today
- and i'm still completely in love with him
- and well, it's been a while and it doesn't seem to be changing and...
- i mean i really liked having you here
- i did
- you're really sweet and beautiful and it was a lot of fun
Gabrielle Says :
- ...
Rachael Holden Says :
- but i really, really don't think it would be fair to you for me to pursue whatever's going on here
- and i'm so so sorry
- i think...it's all bad timing...
- i wish i'd realised it
- i knew i was still messed up from the breakup but i didn't realise...how i really felt? i don't know
- i'm so sorry babe
- but you deserve someone who can give you more than i have to offer right now
Rachael Holden Says :
- it's just gonna take time, and that's time you could be having fun with and living your life instead of feeling obligated to be online to talk to someone all the time
Gabrielle Says :
- if I felt the least bit obligated to talk to you, I wouldn't be talking to you
Rachael Holden Says :
- i'd still like to talk to you and be friends and everything. if you'd be okay with that. i just can't be...romantically involved. i'm not emotionally available.
Gabrielle Says :
- yeah and I get that
- I didn't expect a relationship with you at all, not right now

And this conversation goes on for another... till 11:49:18 PM

WTF?!?! is all I have to say...

There's obviously a lot more story to it all than just than but what the hell am I supposed to do?!